Dating Advice For Men:
Behavioral Factors To Consider
D
ating advice for men is a major topic and we've addressed several aspects elsewhere on this site.
But we'll look at four more aspects here:
- Deference rituals
- Control
- Pacing
- Exit strategies
Deference rituals in nature are behaviors undertaken by an animal to acknowledge that he is lower in status that the other animal of the same species and won't be challenging the other's superiority.
What does that have to do with humans (and dating advice for men)? Plenty! Shows of status and deference are more common in humans than in any other species. (Military salutes are a classic example.)
And female dominance and male deference are intricately interwoven in male-female relationships, but most guys are unaware of this. That's because women repeat the (factually incorrect) statement that "It's a man's world" so often that most guys don't realize it's a scam.
“… by putting the seat down, you're signaling your acknowledgment that her convenience is more important than yours …”
Have you ever heard women grumble about men leaving the toilet seat up? Was that because toilet seats are too heavy for women to move and therefore they have to depend on us to do the heavy lifting?
Not at all
they can lift and lower six ounces of plastic just as easily as we can. Instead, the toilet seat issue is a deference ritual.
You're supposed to be "considerate" and put it down for them, but consideration has nothing to do with it (or else they'd reciprocate for us). By putting the seat down, you're signaling your acknowledgment that her convenience is more important than yours.
So our first piece of dating advice for men is to not get caught up in deference rituals toward women.
Dating Advice For Men Who Dislike Being Controlled
Deference rituals are part of the larger topic of "control". Much of life involves trying to control your environment and people around you so that your needs get met (even at the cost of others' needs not being met).
And in male-female relationships, women are masters at that. They're usually smaller physically but have the upper hand in the legal system (it helps to control 52% of the votes). They have the upper hand sexually (they decide whether we get laid). What's more, they run circles around most of us psychologically.
And it's all about "control"
She'll dole out reward and punishment in an effort to shape your behavior. And the irony is that if you do submit to her control, she'll lose respect for you.
That's how women can cry on your shoulder about "the jerk" she's been sleeping with
and then go back and sleep with him (rather than trading the jerk in for someone nicer, namely you). She can't control him and that's stimulating. She can control you and this doesn't arouse her.
So our second piece of dating advice for men is to not submit to the leash. Be difficult now and then.
“… our second piece of dating advice for men is to not submit to the leash
…”
The topic of pacing yourself reflects another quirk in our nervous systems. Expectations are based on past experience. That's why salaries start low and then go up a little each year (rather than the other way around)
otherwise workers would be hard to motivate.
Pacing also comes in to play when courting women. Many shy guys go all out right from the start. They'll spend a bundle on expensive restaurants, fancy plays and such, hoping to impress her.
But that's a poor strategy. It not only shows desperation (a turn-off), it also sets the bar very high.
Dating Advice For Men
Who Want Out
So our third piece of dating advice for men is that dating is not a sprint
it's a marathon. Don't raise her expectations to unrealistic levels. Whatever nice things you do will become expected and you'll have to top them the next time you want to impress her. So pace yourself.
Exit strategies are another concept few guys think about when dating and that's also a tactical error. Many guys lack confidence and therefore try for less desirable women. They believe (incorrectly) that less desirable women are easier to win and more appreciative once won.
That will create problems later
He wasn't that into her to begin with (he picked her because he thought she'd say yes), and over time he'll become even less into her.
But when he finds someone better and wants to drop the old one, he'll have problems: she won't go quietly. Because she wasn't desirable to begin with and because subsequent years won't have been kind to her, she won't have other good options (i.e. quality guys who'll want her). And so she'll cling to the guy she has.
“… our last piece of dating advice for men is to plan for your eventual exit
…”
It's very common for women unwilling to be shunted aside to make their man's life a living Hell. If you haven't experienced this yourself, then you can't imagine how out-of-hand things get.
So our last piece of dating advice for men is to plan for your eventual exit.
Before you start dating a woman, ask yourself "How easy will it be for this woman to find another guy?" If your answer is "Not very", then don't proceed. Set your sights higher.
For more dating advice for men, please continue to the main Dating page.
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